Like a Leaf in the Wind
by MoneyTunes10
Summary: Choices…we all have choices and sometimes they are stolen from us. Whether the theft is intentional or not it makes the consequences of those choices harder to endure.
1. Chapter 1

**Like a Leaf in the Wind**

Choices…we all have choices and sometimes they are stolen from us. Whether the theft is intentional or not it makes the consequences of those choices harder to endure.

**Chapter 1:**

I loved the fresh air and greenery that Forks, Washington afforded me on this fine summer day. I needed to relish in this rare appearance from the sun.

My parents apparently had the same urge because my Dad was out fishing with his best friends Billy Black and Harry Clearwater.

My mother, the ever enduring artist, had her easel set up in the backyard with sheets of paper spread along her rose bushes. Her smock was covered with an array of colors as she continuously painted her abstract portraits of her flower garden. She was remarkable in her ability to capture her youth with effortless activities like painting. The free-spirited pleasure she enjoyed from such a simple act was contagious and I wanted take some outdoor photographs to inspire my artistic side.

I grabbed my camera suddenly feeling elated that I could take nature pictures in the sunlight, "hey Mom, I'm gonna take some pictures in the woods for a bit."

Renee looked up from her masterpiece with a gleam in her eyes, the sun filtered through her hair as it hung in disarray…she was angelic, "Ok Bells, have fun!"

I smiled back at my mother; _she was our own personal sun_.

I had an old t-shirt and jeans so I threw on some tennis shoes and walked towards the woods behind our house. I wanted to get some wildlife shots so I knew I had to follow the trail behind our house for a while.

Thirty minutes of taking pictures and I still hadn't seen one animal. I did get to capture the way the light played on the leaves as it filtered through the trees but I wanted at least one shot with an animal in it. _It's summer, it's not like the animals were in hibernation_.

There a loud inhumane growl followed by pained howling. _Maybe I could get some animals fighting._ I didn't have a taste for violent photographs but I was so interested in getting at least one picture of an animal that I discarded my reasoning and left the trail heading towards the sounds. They were growing inordinately louder as I approached…it sounded like several wolves and bears were fighting.

I was so close now and I could see a beautiful meadow; yet the very scene before my eyes was grotesquely violent for sure an ethereal location.

There were no bears but there were wolves…mutant wolves to be correct. The impossibility of the situation was staggering and yet it became even more ridiculous as I gazed at the objects of their anger. They were people…sparkling people. _What the fuck? People don't sparkle. I must have fallen and hit my head in the woods. This was a dream…that was the only logical explanation._ And if I was correct in my assessment that it was a dream then I wanted to see how this confrontation turned out.

There were seven sparkling people and five mutant wolves. A giggle threatened to escape my mouth as I complimented myself on my creative abilities. My dreams or hallucination, if that's what this was, had never been this far from reality.

All seven people formed a v-shape and crouched into an attack position mimicking the wolves' stance. The fur on their backs was raised as they prepped for attack. I could hear silent murmurs from the blond gentleman at the apex of the v-shape. A large grey wolf in the middle of the line of wolves started to shake and unexpectedly transformed into a man. To stay that I was stunned was an understatement. He had been a wolf not to long ago but now he was nude and his brown skin and muscular form was rooted in the place of the grey wolf. The wolves were men…werewolves of sorts. He was communicating with the man who had been murmuring earlier.

This was getting out of hand. Maybe I had a concussion and blood was slowly seeping into my brain causing this full blown hallucination. My shock at what seemed to be a confrontation between the sparking people and werewolves had turned into amusement. Soon I felt a laugh bubbling from my center and I couldn't take it anymore.

I laughed… loudly and clearly. I laughed because this was too funny. I laughed because what else is one suppose to do when werewolves and sparkles collide in a meadow?

I laughed so hard that tears were streaming down my face, I doubled over and stumbled falling headlong into the meadow. All the while my laughter only increased. I could not stop.

This was too impossible.

I sat up panting only to peer through my tears-of-laughter vision to find wolves and sparkly people all stoically staring at me. That brought on another peel of laughter that had me falling back and rolling on my sides. The only sounds echoing through the forest was my laughter. It bounced of the trees; it bounced off my on-lookers and it echoed in my ears as it vibrated my body. I hadn't laughed like that since I was a little girl.

I don't know how long I laughed but I needed to stop before I urinated on myself. I stayed on my back catching my breath, staring at blue skies with lovely white puffs of clouds passing by. The sun warmed my skin and I didn't want to look into the meadow again until I had myself under control.

I purposely turned my back to the beings in the meadow as I stood. I dusted myself off and slowly tuned around to appraise these creatures once more.

The amusement left my eyes the instant I saw a large russet colored wolf approaching. Its intense gaze held me rooted. He seemed so focus on me that I almost didn't hear the naked man who used to be a wolf.

"Shit! Jake's imprinted."

I squeaked at the deafening growl emanating from one of the sparkly people closest to me.

"She's mine!"

"Oh no, she's Edward's mate." There was horror encompassing the female speaker but I was too rigid with fear. It had just dawned on me that I may not be unconscious; I just walked in on something I shouldn't have. These thoughts were sobering as I slowly backed away from the approaching wolf, never taking my eyes away from it.

I knew then that I would not survive this. This was bigger than me; I was insignificant in the grand scheme of things and my existence had never felt more trivial than this moment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Like a Leaf in the Wind**

**Chapter 2**:

I was finally released from the intense stare of the russet wolf when he was slammed from the side by a fast moving blur. The only discernable color from that blur was a streak of bronze.

My head snapped up.

The sounds in the meadow shifted from a silent staring match to thunderous booms as wolves collided with the people that were obviously something else. They met these giant animals head on and didn't flinch.

I, on the other hand, covered my ears and winced at the sight of each collision. The man, who had transformed into a wolf not too long ago, had now returned to his wolf form. He was lunging at the blond man he had initially been conversing with.

I closed my eyes.

I never liked violence and I was in the midst of the most violent encounter in my life. I didn't understand what was said prior to this escalation to make them so angry at each other. I didn't know what an imprint was nor did I understand what being 'Edward's mate' had anything to do with me.

I wanted to run because if this was real then I wanted no part of it. Before I even decided to move, I felt a sharp breeze and when I opened my eyes a woman appeared before me.

I have seen beautiful women while walking in the mall with my mother. They were all well-groomed with perfectly polished tips and clothing that looked like it was tailored for only them but this woman before me was beyond their beauty. It wasn't the clothing or the grooming that made her attractive it was the soft expression of her amber eyes. It was the way her auburn curls billowed around her face and it was the faultless alignment of her features.

Her pale hand cupped my face in a gesture of apology. Her touch was cold and her skin felt hard.

These were not normal people.

She quickly pressed her body into me wrapping her arms around my waist only to take off running. I instinctively wrapped my legs around her waist as I clasped my hands around her neck as tightly as possible. I was afraid of falling because the swiftness with which she moved was comparable to a car speeding down the highway.

My eyes started to burn and my head started to swim as we blurred past trees. It was too fast for me to make out my surroundings so I closed my eyes in an attempt to seek refuge from the feeling of vertigo.

She stopped abruptly. I kept my eyes close as I let my limbs loosen around this cold hard being and I crumbled to the floor. It felt like a very soft rug was underneath me.

I was grateful that she took me away from the meadow but I was also fearful of her intentions.

I chanced a peek and she was anxiously looking out a floor-to-ceiling glass window. I fully opened my eyes to take in my surroundings.

The room was exquisite. The south walls where the woman stood was made of glass with heavy dark drapes on either side. I was crumbled on a soft golden rug but the floors were all dark wood and highly polished. There were two dark brown leather couches facing a massive wall of shelving. Music and books impeccably lined these shelves. The only separation between the stocked shelves and the couches was a unique glass coffee table. Holding up the table's glass top was a piece of wood that resembled a trunk of an aged oak tree. It was twisted and contorted with knots; it was beautifully grotesque.

I was near the table this entire time facing the wall of glass that my savior was peering from. My head swiveled from side to side as I looked at the room yet I did not make a sound. I wanted to turn around and see what was behind me but I could not move. I was captivated by the coffee table because the knots in the wood mimicked my emotional turmoil.

She suddenly turned to me with a warm smile, "they're coming back."

I stiffened, _who was coming back?_

She slowly approached me as I cringed further into the rug. "I'm sorry to act so rashly but I didn't want you to get hurt. I'm Esme Cullen by the way."

She extended her hand and I gave her a trembling handshake. She had confessed that her only concern was for my safety and she also looked at me like my mother would so I could not deny her this formality.

She gave me a quizzical look. _Oh she must want me to introduce myself._

"Um…hello, I'm Bella."

We both looked behind me as a door below opened. She gently lifted me from the floor. "Let's go meet the rest of the family." She gave me an encouraging smile as we walked out of the room and headed down some stairs.

This house was beautifully decorated. The colors used throughout had a light natural aura that not only made it modern but made it seamlessly weave with the natural surroundings that I could see through the many floor-to-ceiling glass windows.

Esme and I stood near the foot of the stairs looking at the other people from the meadow.

They were no longer sparkling and they almost looked normal…except for their indescribable beauty. It was not normal for an entire family to be that perfect. They were all pale with slightly darkened bruises under their eyes.

They were all anxiously staring at me and Esme, which caused me to instinctively shrink closer to her.

"I can't hear her."

There were audible gasps as they all starred at one of the family members standing in the back.

_What was he talking about? Of course he couldn't hear me…I didn't say anything._

When I finally looked at the speaker our eyes locked, I felt my knees weaken and my heart thumped wildly in my chest. An invisible cord snapped between us and I couldn't help but moan under the pressure. It was as if hands were pushing me toward this man while the cord simultaneously pulled me forward.

He fell to his knees as soon as I moaned.

"What's wrong?" Esme looked from the man on his knees to the blond one who rushed over to him.

"They need to mate," the same female who spoke in the meadow was talking about us.

"Alice, she's only human, Edward could kill her."

"Sweetheart I know, but they need to mate or it will only get much worse…for both of them." The one referred to as Alice was morose at the end. She looked at me with sympathetic eyes but I could barely register what was happening. I was still consumed by the beautiful bronze-haired angel on his knees.

Esme began whispering in my ear, "That's Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett and over there that's Edward."

She pointed to everyone as she said their names but I was only waiting for her to say the last name. Edward…I tasted the name on my tongue as I repeated that name to myself…I liked it. His name was Edward.

"Edward" I whispered looking at him.

_Yes, I wanted Edward._

He began to purr when I said his name.

_How strange, my Edward purrs. Why did I just refer to him at 'my Edward'?_

"Everyone, this is Bella." Esme spoke loudly. She looked like she was beaming but her expression was also worried as she clasped my face in her hands to get me to focus on her face.

"Bella, you and Edward need to mate but I'm not sure we know how that will turn out because you two are…different. Most importantly we want to make sure that you do want to be with Edward that way."

The intensity between Edward and I had dulled into a noticeable throb. Like the cord between us was nudging me to pay attention to it. I was so confused.

"Esme, what do you mean be with Edward?"

"Um….you will need to be intimate with him. You're his mate."

_Be intimate? I hadn't even kissed a boy and these crazy people were all standing here referring to my virginity as if it was theirs to give to Edward?_

I couldn't explain what I felt for Edward. It was more than love at first sight but this was getting out of hand too fast. I needed to get out of here to think things through with a clear head.

"I need to go home."

"No! You're mine!"

I felt the cord increase in strength and then explode as Edward rushed to me faster than my pupils could dilate. He enfolded his arms around me and before I could blink we were back in the room I was first brought to.

He locked the door and let out a deafening grown to whoever was on the other side. He was still holding my tightly to his chest and the cord hummed with ecstatic satisfaction as my skin came in contact with his hard cold body. My senses were bombarded with Edward's being. His scent was so concentrated that I could taste him every time I inhaled. I ignited at our proximity and was pulled in. It was like my world had shifted and there was a gravitational force that kept me in orbit around Edward.

His growl turned into a purr as he tilted my chin to look at him. I lifted my eyes to his only to notice that his amber eyes were slowly darkening.

Edward was right. I was not going home. I was probably never going to see my parents again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Like a Leaf in the Wind**

**Chapter 3:**

The most extraordinary feeling came over me as I looked into Edward's darkening eyes. It started in my stomach only to slowly spread; it encompassed all my cells and locked me in an inescapable vice.

Raw power ignited between us; we were not only indulging in our own lustful desires but fueling each others'. I was feverish with need for him…for him to fill me; to complete me.

_What the fuck was happening?_

I closed my eyes; but as soon as I opened them, I failed to remember my last thoughts. All I knew was that I wanted him…no…I needed him. I needed this mating thing they mentioned to happen.

I felt feral as Edward's head cocked to the side while he studied my lips, my eyes. His arms tightened around me and a low growl hummed from his center. He needed me too.

I lunged at him. Our mouths explored each other and I felt his growl reverberating between us.

I needed him in me.

Edward pulled my body closer to his almost desperately. He had an intense look of concentration as he ghosted his hands down my sides. It was mix between reverence and self control.

Slipping his hands under my shirt he lifted it over my head.

"Bella, I need to…to…be with you and I promise I won't do anything to hurt you."

"I know, I just really need you"

I kissed him as the words slipped from my lips…pressing myself against him. He unhooked my bra and I felt my naked chest pressed against him. The sensation of his cool skin on my feverish nipples was similar to an electric shock. There was an ache between my legs that made me gasp despite the fact that I was still kissing him.

I wrapped my legs around him as he moved us to his leather couch which was surprisingly large.

"I'm sorry; I've never had a need for a bed"

I loved this man's voice. It did not matter that there was no bed; the only thing that mattered was that he was there.

He slowly took off my shoes as I was getting more impatient by the minute. When he finally started taking off my underwear and jeans I nearly sighed in relieve; as if knowing what I was feeling he chuckled.

A small whimper escaped my lips from the loss of contact when he stood back from me. When I noticed he was removing his clothing, I was relieved.

Edward nude stunned me.

I kept going over his entire form with my eyes but his erection was the most daunting and appealing attraction. To say he was big was an understatement. I briefly wondered how that was going to fit into me before I felt his breath cooling my feverish face.

My natural shyness was buried by the need for him.

He lowered himself on me, keeping his full weight off me with his arms as I greedily started to touch every exposed part of his body. He slowly lifted my hips as I wrapped my legs around his naked form locking my ankles together around his waist. I was leaking when he languidly slid his erection over my clit and my opening.

He kissed my lips chastely then my chin, the narrow space between my breast, and each nipple. He slowly descended still kissing my belly button, then right where I needed him the most…my center. He spread my legs apart and started slowly licking me…first my folds then my clit. My legs were trembling with the pleasure that was propelled into me from his cool languid licks. By the time I registered that he stopped I felt his tongue gently sucking my clit.

I was panting with need.

"Please, please, please" I could not stop the pleading. It was a reflex reaction. I needed him in me but I was too far gone in the pleasure to form a full sentence, so I settled on my simple chant for him to enter me.

He moved himself between my legs and could feel him at my opening. I was drenched; spilling all over him.

He seemed to be using extreme control as he moved as slowly as possible into me, stretching me.

It was filling; it was different.

His coolness and my heat were intoxicating and he let out a strangled growl. Had I been capable of making such a sound I would have joined him.

A burst of sharp pain reared through my center as he broke my barrier. A small scream escaped me and he immediately stopped moving.

"Are you ok? Do you want me to stop?" I saw the intense concern in his eyes but I shook my head and bit my lip.

I took a deep breath, "I want you; I just felt a little pain."

He gave me a small apologetic smile and continued. When I thought there was no more room inside of me, he stopped letting me feel him deep inside me. My body adjusted to his girth and length before started moving in me.

With each controlled thrust I felt eruptions of pleasure through my center. We breathed in unison as his movements became more erratic. He tilted my hips upward and slid in deeper; I gasped as the possibility that he could go any deeper.

His was thrusting purposefully now and I could no longer hold back the screams, moans and pants of pleasure that escaped from my lips. I held onto his biceps as all the power, pleasure and pain seem to blur together around us.

"You're mine!"

He stared into me eyes with so much conviction as he wildly thrusted into me that there was only one answer to a man who looked at you that way.

"YES!"

"Say it!"

"I'm yours! I'm yours! I'm yours!"

He was thrusting after each chant and I was soon lost in a scream as my body climaxed.

I was on another plane of reality. The pleasure took over the pain and I arched my back, closed my eyes and curled my toes. I wanted this pleasure to last forever. The bliss was so over powering that I felt I reach a new height of pleasure.

I was coming down from my orgasm when I heard Edward release a feral growl before I felt him spilling inside of me.

I must have lost consciousness because I woke up with Edward cradling me in the bathtub. He held me close to his chest as he trailed a washcloth soaked with warm water all over my body.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sore, happy and tired"

I gave him a small smile but he returned it with a brilliant one

We climbed out of the tub and toweled off before slipping into large terry cloth robes. It was difficult to walk without feeling the soreness between my legs but when I walked into the room, Edward's couch was pulled out into a makeshift bed complete with pillows and a blanket.

I fell into a restful sleep wrapped in the robe while lying on top of Edward. I felt safe and protected because of him.

I was slowly gaining consciousness when I heard someone yelling but I could not make out the words.

As I began to stir I heard Edward growl and hiss, "I head you the first time Alice!"

"I'm serious Edward!" Alice continued her assault, "You can't just lock her in your room and fuck her senseless!"

It was like having ice water doused on you.

She was right. I no longer felt protected and safe…I had no idea what must be going through my parents' minds and I had just given my virginity to a man I barely knew.

My only hope was to persuade Edward to let me go home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Like a Leaf in the Wind**

**Chapter 4**

I must have fallen asleep again because the irritation in Alice's voice caused me to stir from my slumber once more. She was calling Edward selfish for taking me away from the family like he did. Edward was possessive; that I knew. He had me tucked away in his room away from the family, so she had a valid point.

We were spooning so I turned over to get a better look at him. His coal black eyes stared at me in apprehension.

"Can I get something to wear?" my voice was quiet in the already silent room.

I figured Alice had retreated for now; I couldn't hear any more yelling.

He looked down at the plush white robe that was still wrapped around me with a thoughtful expression.

"Of course"

_Ahhh that voice.._.

Edward's voice was….there weren't adequate words. Smooth, melodious maybe even hypnotic but words could not capture the way my stomach stirred with longing.

He moved away from me to what I assumed was a walk-in closet. He was back instantly with an apologetic look. He had a pair of boxers and a white button-down.

"I'll ask Esme or Alice if they have any extra clothing to spare but for now this is all I have."

I gave him a small smile. I was still sore which caused me to I winced as I moved from the bed to the bathroom to change. He closed the door after handing me the clothing. They were too big. I looked like I was five again and playing dress up with my Dad's clothes. The thought of my father nearly sent me into convulsive sobs but I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.

I needed to eat and then I could maybe get some answers as well as figure out a way to get back to my parents. Hopefully Edward and I were closer. I hadn't even processed what I did with him. So I tucked away the fact that I lost my virginity last night after being kidnapped. I would deal with that later. I just needed to find a way home for now.

I exited the bathroom and Edward was sitting on the couch which had been our makeshift bed. He had the blankets neatly folded and the pillows stacked in the corner. He was also fully dressed and looking like he was on his way to a magazine shoot. I felt self-conscious as if he could see my bra through the shirt and the fact that I had no underwear was a bit disconcerting.

"Do you have anything to eat?" I was still speaking quietly.

He quickly grabbed my hand and we slowly exited the room. We stopped at the top of the staircase which was very ornate. I had failed to take in the details of this place since I was being whisked around too fast yesterday.

"My family wants to speak to you at some point today; we have a lot to discus."

It was all he said before we slowly descended. It was a statement not a request; it was his attempt I assume at being polite. I sighed to myself when I realized that going home was going to be more difficult than expected.

They were all present when we walked into the dining room. There was a bowl, a box of cereal and milk.

Esme was beaming, "I saw that humans liked cereal and milk in the morning." She was proud that she knew that fact but I was still stuck on the fact that she said 'humans.'

_What's going on around here? _

It was then that it dawned on me that I had to eat my breakfast while they watched. I suddenly lost my appetite but I forced myself to take the seat across from Alice and pour myself some cereal and milk. I kept my eyes on the bowl but my mind was gone. I hardly saw what was in front of me. I ate the cereal but I tasted nothing, it could have been cardboard in my mouth. I needed to think but it seemed that I would not get any time alone. I had no plan, no way of securing my escape and I did not know what I was up against.

This family had secrets because they weren't human and I had to prepare myself for anything.

So I zoned out like I did sometimes. I was very good at it. I could ignore people very easily; it was like I receded into my mind to a safe place. I didn't know how long I shoved food into my mouth and mechanically chewed but soon my bowl was empty.

That brought me back to my present and I mumbled a timid 'thanks" to Esme. She gave me a sad smile.

"So Bella, now that you're here you need to know about us and what we are. It's also important that you're aware of what you mean to Edward and to the wolf in the meadow." Alice was staring intently at me; she was getting down to business.

I could feel the tension in the atmosphere but instantly I felt an odd calm. It was involuntary as if someone was forcing me to stay calm. It was futile though. I was numb. There was no need to calm me because I could not feel anything.

"Bella, we're vampires."

_Vampires?_

"And you're Edward's mate. You two have bonded last night and now there's no turning back. I'm sorry you had to find out this way but it would have happened eventually. Forks is a small town."

Alice was the only one speaking all the others were looking at me maybe waiting for me to freak out but I was too numb.

She explained all the nuances of being a Cullen vampire. How they abstained from humans and maintained a vegetarian diet by only hunting animals. How some members had special abilities; she even explained that I was calm now because of Jasper, her husband.

She also informed me that I had changed Edward. We were bonded; it was deeper than human marital bonds because we would need to be around each other for extended periods of time to function. She said she couldn't go into details but I would soon find out.

I was very doubtful of that fact. I had functioned without Edward Cullen before I met him and I would function just fine without him now that I have met him.

The atmosphere got tense again when she mentioned the wolf. She said he was Jacob Black and I almost lost my composure. I was boring holes into the table in front of me but with the mention of Jacob I looked Alice straight in the eyes. Jacob was the son of my Dad's best friend. We hadn't hung out much but he was nice from what I remembered.

Jacob recently started to phase. His tribe had a genetic component that caused some members to become shape-shifters when vampires were in their area. Since the Cullen's moved to Forks, many tribe members began to phase including Jacob. He imprinted on me in the meadow…in his world, only I existed. He would do anything to be with me and hence the Cullens had a problem.

The wolves were worried that the Cullens would take me away from Forks.

_Well they had good reason to suspect you of kidnapping don't they? _

Thus they were keeping a close eye on the house and all family members. They were trying to renew the treaty that day in the meadow and my presence interrupted the meeting. Jacob imprinting and Edward realizing I was his mate caused even more problems between the natural enemies.

Both parties were now trying to stake claim of me. Yet in all this talk, no one… not the wolves nor the vampires…asked me what I wanted.


	5. Chapter 5

**Like a Leaf in the Wind**

**Chapter 5**

I didn't know how long it had been since I was kidnapped by the Cullens.

They blended seamlessly into the community, Carlisle worked in the hospital; this allowed him to remain immersed in the daily updates of the search efforts for me. He was now a respected member of the community and no one would suspect the good doctor of helping his son to kidnap me. When he came home one day he explained that my father was probably running the Forks Police Department into debt by placing all his men in twenty-four hour search parties. These search parties went out on a daily basis scouring the woods for any traces of my whereabouts.

Of course they would never find me…

Esme took the initiative to contact the school officials to explain that she preferred to home-school her children. They easily acquiesced to her wishes. Edward later explained that the officials thought she was being snobbish; they thought the Cullens felt the school's curriculum was beneath them.

The oddest development that occurred since my captivity was my constant need to be physically in contact with Edward. I remembered Alice telling me that she could not explain what it meant to be bonded to a vampire… that I would eventually find out. I did find out…it was intense. The intensity manifested itself as an insatiable need for me to touch Edward. I liked holding his hands or leaning against him when we sat on the couch. I felt stupid and weak because I had this urge but the entire family told me it was normal…for them.

Of course Edward enjoyed the benefits of this need every chance he got since I wanted to have sex all the time. I didn't care how we did it as long as we did it…all I knew was that I wanted him inside of me. He even got a bed in his room for us and we were trying out new positions on a regular basis.

My favorite position was when he stood near the bed while holding my lower body up so that only my shoulders and my head rested on the bed. He was the perfect height for that position. He would always instruct me to open my legs wide and I planted the soles of my feet on either side of his hips while he thrusted into me. He went very deep in this position and I was fascinated by his facial expressions. He on the other hand was fascinated with looking at me spread open before him as he entered in and out. He was in control in this position and he loved it; on many occasions he would abruptly pull out and bend down to lick whatever juices were dripping from me. This would send me into a pleasurable impatient frenzy as I attempted to buck my hips against his iron-clad grip on my waist.

Of course I would always blush when I saw the others after Edward and I slept together because I knew they could hear me. Rosalie even went as far once as to chastise Edward.

"You're taking advantage of her human frailty because of the bond; she has bruises all over her body because of you."

She never defended me and I was surprised at the venom-laced tone she used when she yelled at Edward but he completely ignored her as he bent down to give me a chaste kiss.

I wanted to ask him why Rosalie was angry that we slept together but I would wait to ask him later.

Rosalie was the only one who seemed to have a problem with my presence. I thought I could use that to convince her to help me escape but she gave me such a death stare I never spoke to her.

Her mate, Emmett was the funniest family member. He was very easy to get along with and was like an older brother.

Other than Edward, I was closest to Alice and Esme. It started out with me helping them to make a grocery list for the things I needed but soon I was showing them how to cook. I didn't talk much to Carlisle and Jasper, not because they weren't nice, they were polite at all times; they just always seemed to be planning something.

Edward later explained that they were trying to find a way around the wolves. They were still keeping the Cullens from running away with me and for that I was secretly grateful.

It seemed that the Cullens wanted to take me to Alaska where they had another residence until my parents stopped looking for me. I was appalled when they first told me their intentions and I quietly murmured that my parents would never give up on me. Either they got me alive or dead. It was quiet after I made that declaration and I could not look them in the eye because we all knew at that point, it was true.

Since they needed to hunt and the wolves were patrolling, they all went together and one person usually remained with me. I knew it wasn't to keep me company. It was to guard me.

This time it was Rosalie who remained with me while the others hunted. I never minded when she guarded me because she just ignored me. We usually were in the living room and I either read or watched TV while she flipped through a magazine.

I was suddenly antsy. I wanted Edward.

Sometimes they took a short hunting trip and at other times it was longer. It seemed that this time they were taking longer. I had kissed Edward before he left and he held me tightly before running off with his family but I was in need of me daily dose of Edward. I was probably on par with a substance abuser when it came to Edward.

I got off the couch and went to the large glass windows facing the back of the house. I sat on the carpet straining as far as I could in hopes of catching a glimpse of his bronze hair streaking through the forest.

I wanted him to come back to me.

Before I could sigh I saw a movement in the bushes.

A large wolf was carefully walking towards the house. I let out an involuntary shriek because this animal was huge. It looked like a bear but it was definitely a wolf.

Rosalie was by my side in an instant.

A feral growl ripped through her luscious lips and the wolf began to shake. He transformed into a man and his face looked familiar but I couldn't place it; I was too frightened.

"Hello to you too, leech. It seems that your family is currently engaged in a little confrontation with my brothers. I didn't want you to miss the opportunity to die with the rest of your family so I came to get you."

"Do you expect me to fall for that mongrel?"

My head snapped back and forth between these two creatures. Rosalie's beauty remained flawless despite the hateful sneer she exhibited as she regarded him.

He quietly chuckled to himself. He held up a shirt that I remembered Emmett was wearing and dangled it. There was blood and some other substance on it.

"I know you can smell it, it's his venom, I think he was your mate?"

With that, the man started trembling violently and transformed into a wolf. He took off before I heard a piercing scream. I had to cover my ears but as my hand covered both sides of my head I heard breaking glass.

I looked up and saw a streak of blond running after the wolf.

Rosalie had jumped out of the window to defend her mate's death.

Just as the green foliage swallowed her, a man approached with a wolf by his side. I was too stunned to move.

It was Jacob and he was standing next to a large grey wolf.

"Bella, hurry we don't have enough time."

They ran up to the broken window motioning to me that I should jump. I was hesitant for a minute but I banished the thought from my head.

_Jacob came to rescue me. I could go home to my parents and this nightmare could be over._

I jumped onto the wolf's back. It was soft and he was so massive I could have been on a furry horse. Jacob jumped on behind me.

"Ok, hold on tight, we're taking you home."

I grabbed as much fur as I could and crouched so that my torso was flush with the wolf's back.

"Ok Embry, run like the wind." Jacob was talking to the wolf.

He took off with a blinding speed and I held on tighter. I could feel the powerful muscles of the animal beneath me as its paws pounded into the earth.

I was excited as I realized we were getting further and further away from the Cullen home. I couldn't wait to see the look on my parents' faces when they saw they I was fine.

I had to close my eyes after a while because it was dizzying to move at that speed.

Eventually we stopped. I slowly opened my eyes ready to take in my home but I was met with utter shock.

I was on the reservation.

I turned around to give Jacob a bewildered look.

"Bella, I thought you understood. We can't take you to your parents; the leeches will just kidnap you from there again. We had to take you to the reservation…to keep you safe."

I was speechless.

Apparently we had very different definitions of the word rescue. I had simply been moved from one prison to the next.

I had a feeling that Edward and I was about to suffer because of this.

I suddenly gasped, "Did your brothers kill all the Cullens?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Like a Leaf in the Wind**

**Chapter 6:**

"Why do you care?"

"Jacob Black, please answer my question, did your brothers kill all the Cullens?" I seethed through my teeth.

I had turned to face him because we were still sitting on the wolf. He slowly raised his hands to stroke my hair and I instinctively cringed.

He looked hurt at my reaction but tried to hide it as he sighed.

"It was a set-up. Seth was trailing the bloodsuckers as they haunted and the blond one's mate took off his shirt after he got into a nasty fight with a bear. He was drooling as he ate the bear and his shirt got covered in blood and venom."

I sighed because that meant Emmett was fine. They lied to Rosalie.

"Well Seth told Quil and Embry since they were in wolf –form and Embry phased back to tell me. That's when we came up with the idea. If we could get the blond bitch away from you, then we could take you back to La Push."

"So there was no fight to begin with? It was all a lie?" I held my breath waiting for his answer.

"No, there was no fight with the family…they were still hunting when we lied to get her away."

"Ok, but can I please go home Jacob?"

"Bella, you need to stay in La Push so we can protect you from them."

He gracefully leapt down from the wolf and extended his hand to help me down. Once I was on the ground, the wolf ran into the woods. I finally looked at Jacob and he looked thinner and a bit haggard.

"Hey, are you ok? You look a little sick?" I didn't know what was going on with Jacob but he looked like he had been through a lot.

He held my hand and the intensity in his eyes reminded me of how Edward would look at me sometimes.

"Bella, when a wolf imprints, it's like only that person is important to them. You don't know how much pain I've been in knowing that you were with the leeches and I could not have you here with me."

I sucked in a breath and I jerked my hands from him. "You never had any intention of taking me home did you? You just wanted me for yourself."

"I was desperate Bella; I didn't know what else to do!"

I looked at him disgust and before I could retort I heard someone yelling.

"Jacob Black! What the fuck did you do?"

Jacob spun around, "Sam, I…"

"Shut the fuck up! Quil! Embry! Get your asses over here! Do you know the potential war you called down on the Tribe? Do you know what it's gonna do to your father to lie to his best friend as to the whereabouts of his daughter? I thought by giving you an alpha command preventing you from phasing you wouldn't do anything drastic. I was so fucking wrong."

I recognized Sam Uley from my visits to La Push. He was seething and his eyes bored into Jacob. Quil and Embry emerged from the woods with their heads down. They only wore jean shorts and looked more like kids in trouble instead of men.

"Bella, please go with Emily." Sam was speaking to me now.

"No, she's staying at my place!" Jacob's voice sounded frantic as he pulled me into his side. He was very warm.

Sam walked towards him until their noses were practically touching, "get you fucking hands off her" his voice was eerily calm, no longer was he screaming, it was like it took immense control for him to speak this way.

Jacob reluctantly released me.

"Bella, you will be staying with me and Emily, in our guestroom. Emily will get you all settled in."

I slowly walked towards Emily. I remembered her. She was very beautiful but I almost gasped at the long scar that marred half of her face. Surprisingly it did not lessen her beauty.

"Hey Bella, I'm sorry about all this."

Her voice was warm; it reminded me so much of Esme that I almost started to cry. She must have sensed my impending tears because she slung an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer as we walked. It was such an Alice move that I wrapped my hands around my torso as I remembered Alice's infectiously joyful attitude.

I felt hollow, as if many holes had been punched through my midsection.

First there was a gape because I missed my parents and now because I missed the Cullens.

I was furious with the Cullens for kidnapping me but that did not take away from how close I had grown to them. I liked them…maybe even loved them. Their actions were wrong but they did it because of love. And love is selfish…if I learned anything through my experiences; I learned that love was defiantly selfish.

Emily gave me a tour of their small home. She insisted that I eat some food but I vehemently refused. She finally gave up and allowed me to retire to the small guestroom.

My first night was the hardest. I could not sleep. The hollow feeling inside me grew exponentially and I knew it was because I wasn't around Edward.

I spent that night curled into a tight ball on the soft bed crying silently.

I did not leave my room the next day. Instead I sat near the window looking through the trees, allowing the holes to fester.

My gaze minutely shifted from the trees to Jacob, who had started his own vigil. He sat under a tree near my window, always gazing up at me. Several times Quil and Embry came over to give him something to eat but he refused.

In the same manner, Emily came to check on me several times throughout the day. She always came with a plate of something to eat. It always made me nauseous, so I never ate.

She only spoke once that day.

"Bella, I have a question and it's important that you answer honestly."

She took a deep breath.

"Sam, Jacob, and Embry said you smell a lot like the Cullens….um…did you…I mean I know it's private but it's important that we know if you've bonded with Edward…Bella did you sleep with Edward?"

My back was to her and I could hear the nervous shuffle of her feet. She was right; it was none of their business what I did with Edward.

_What did it matter if I bonded with him?_

She finally left when she figured that I would not answer or maybe she thought my silence was answer enough.

The second night I was so exhausted I fell into a fitful sleep. That's when the nightmares began.

The colors of the woods were frightfully vivid. The green was so intense it hurt my eyes and then it shifted. I saw the faces of each of the Cullens all smiling and happy in my head even Rosalie. Their faces all looked fuzzy as if I was seeing them through foggy water. The face that remained in my head the longest was Edward. I began to panic when it started to fade.

I wanted Edward but he would always fade.

My panic caused my heartbeat to accelerate and I woke up sweaty and screaming. There were tears running down my cheeks.

Emily ran into the room followed closely by Sam. Even Jacob was in the doorway but I did not time to focus.

Bile was steadily rising in my throat. I ran to the bathroom and heaved into the toilet. My stomach was empty so it was futile but my body did not register that my stomach was empty. The heaving was so intense that my body convulsed around the toilet. I finally quieted and there was a ringing in my ears.

I fell to the cool floor letting myself cry as the sorrow overtook me. Emily was sitting near me stroking my hair and silently crying.

This was bad…this was very bad.


	7. Chapter 7

**Like a Leaf in the Wind**

**Chapter 7:**

Grief…it was a state of existence for me, not an emotion. I use to reside in a world unaware of the monsters, which dwelled alongside me for seventeen years, but now I had fallen in love with one of them.

I did not even recognize my feelings for Edward because I was so focused on running away. It was when I sat in Emily and Sam's guestroom and started hallucinating that I acknowledged what my mind was screaming at me.

I was in love with Edward Cullen.

It was the only conclusion that corresponded to the grief that was now dwelling within me, consuming me to the point of submission of my mental state. I only started to eat again because I needed to survive to see my hallucinations. I no longer looked out my windows into the forest because Edward was always in the room with me. He would be sitting in a far corner watching me as I watched him. My hallucination would only leave when someone else entered the room.

Emily used to be the only one who came in to bring me food but then Jacob started coming in to spend time with me. His physical appearance seemed to be on the same exponential decline as mine. He appeared to be suffering as much as I did.

One day, I cared enough to ask him about the reason behind his decaying look.

"Bella, you don't seem to understand that because I've imprinted on you, I need to be with you to survive. And since the bloodsucker stole you from me, you are still fixated on him. You're killing both of us."

_I was killing both of us? _

Jacob Black had the valor to accuse me of putting myself in this position.

If death could be administered through the look I gave him, Billy Black would be arranging Jacob's funeral. 

Why would anyone want to feel this sort of crippling anguish?

I knew how it could go away. I needed to be allowed to see Edward before the physical manifestations of my anxiety progressed further than affecting my appetite.

I felt sicker with each passing day and I got angrier at Jacob for his patient and loving attention. I did not want it, I wanted my parents and I needed to see Edward.

I needed to implore Sam to speak to the Elders but he would never listen to me. He was already convinced that I was delusional and although that was true, it didn't discredit the fact the keeping me imprisoned on La Push was wrong.

So I focused on my best chance…Emily.

Nature was shifting as it ushered autumn into Washington. I felt a little cold as Emily and I sat on a tree stump near her home. I needed to talk to her but I hadn't planned what I was going to say. I took a deep breath, clearing my mind, trying to gain some semblance of sanity so she could hear the sincerity in my voice. It was so easy to remain in my delusional state where Edward was with me, so I was rarely interested in anything Sam, Jacob or Emily had to say.

"Emily, I need you to talk to Sam for me."

She stiffened; I would not pretend that I wasn't trying to use her to get what I wanted. I was beyond being dishonest with her.

"I have had no say, no choice in any of these decisions over my life. I've been kidnapped and tricked by two different groups of people who say they care substantially for me. Yet their actions seem selfish…childish even. I need you to make Sam see what these decisions are doing to me. Emily you know better, you've seen me at my worst and it's not getting better. The pain is too much. I don't know what else to do to make it stop."

We were both in tears now because it was true.

"I need you to be my advocate because I don't think I'm even in the right state to talk to Sam. He'd never believe me anyway because he'd think it was crazy-talk."

I let out a tearful chuckle at the end of my speech. Emily hugged me for a long time before releasing me.

"I'm going to try," she whispered, "just hang in there."

It had been a few days since I talked to Emily and I could feel the tension between her and Sam. I knew this had to do with her promise to talk to him for me. She had kept her promise and he was being stubborn.

I tried to hang on but the ache in my heart couple with the grief made me unconsciously huddle into my body. I was on the verge of tearing my hair out. I just wanted the pain to stop. It had grown from a mental anguish to a physical ache all over my body.

I was in the guestroom staring intently at the corner where my hallucination of Edward used to reside, when Jacob stumbled in.

"Bella, I can't take it anymore. I hate to see you like this."

I barely looked up to see him. I didn't care what he had to say. I was lost to this world…as long as the pain existed in me…they ceased to exist to me.

"Bella, I can make it go away."

My head swung wildly in Jacob's direction. He had said the magic words. I would do anything to make it stop.

"Trust me," he whispered tenderly cupping my face and bringing our foreheads together, "I'm gonna make it all better."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

_Yes, please make it all better. _


	8. Chapter 8

**Like a Leaf in the Wind**

**Chapter 8**

There is no excuse for what I allowed Jacob Black to do to me. I could say that I was delusional and clutched at any idea that assured me the pain would diminish.

It would never matter what the excuses were…what I did was wrong.

Jacob should have known better, he did know better but as his hands pulled my tank over my head, he told me that this would make me forget Edward.

What a laughable idea. I didn't want to forget Edward; I wanted to be with him.

So that's what I did.

I pretended that the heated hands that massaged my breast were Edwards'. I pretended that the sloppy kiss was his cool breath. I closed my eyes the entire time and allowed my body to pretend that Edward was the one with me.

I felt his hands drift from molding my breast to yanking down my sweatpants and panties in one fluid motion. He kissed between my legs and slowly licked the tip of my clit that was peeking between my folds.

_That felt so good. _

He licked his way to my belly button, circling it like a whirlpool and then heat enveloped my nipple as Jacob engulfed it in his mouth.

He lowered me onto the carpet and spread my legs apart all the while switching his attention from one nipple to the other. Suddenly the coolness of the air made my nipples harder as he abandoned them to lavish is attention to my most needy part.

I was dripping now and Jacob attacked my clit like a wild dog. He took my entire clit in his mouth sucking and kneading it like it was piece of candy. I was hyperventilating. He must have felt my wetness because suddenly his tongue was at my entrance lapping my juices like a famished animal. He was so focused that he grabbed my waist implanting me onto his face. He was pressing his face closer to me and I suddenly realized why… his hot tongue penetrated me.

Being with Jacob was very different than being with Edward no matter how much I tried to pretend that it was Edward. Jacob was more like a wild animal. His attention was always shifting as he tried to be everywhere at once. Edward on the other hand was more controlled….more meticulous.

My clenched eyes made the experience even more unexpected. He pulled his tongue from inside me only to kiss me. I tasted myself on his tongue as his breathing became laborious. Suddenly he was at my entrance. Pressing into me I felt his heat enter me. He was thick and it filled me as I stretched around him. I gasped as he released my mouth.

"I've waited for this for so long."

I slowly opened my eyes to see Jacob looking at me with love and affection. He must really believe that this was going to help me.

He began to move closing his eyes and groaning. But in the next instant, he spread my legs wider and he opened his eyes to look at himself submerge fully inside of me. He then began pounding in and out. It was not gentle…it was savage, like he wanted to erase Edward's influence on me by pounding it away.

It felt amazing. It didn't make sense but I liked the feeling of being filled with Jacob. I liked the way he stretched and filled me.

Suddenly he looked up at me, "get on your hands and knees."

He pulled out and I scrambled to get on my hands and knees. Jacob wasted no time pushing into me and going deep inside. I moaned and dropped to my elbows. He groaned as the movement gave him a view of all of me from behind.

This was it. Jacob in this position was rapturous.

I didn't know if anyone was home but I was sure I was loud enough for them to hear me. I was done. The sound of Jacob's skin slapping onto mine was amazing and jarring all at once. Where there should be coolness, there was heat; it was like my mind was split.

My orgasm approached and it was too much. What I desired and what I had were two warring entities. I couldn't make them fit.

So I succumbed to the madness.

I felt myself combust around Jacob. I heard his inarticulate words that turned into a groan as he spilled into me, our fluids combining at they dripped out of me between us.

My knees trembled as I fell onto the carpet. I needed to feel something cool, it was too hot. Jacob was too hot and I was sweating.

"You alright?" his voice was husky.

I nodded, "bathroom please."

He carried me to the bathroom and it was reminiscent of my first time with Edward. After my cold shower, I dressed in my pajamas.

It was surreal; madness is never chaotic as most believe. It was calming, numbing. Nothing made sense, not me, not Jacob, not Edward. So I stopped trying to figure it out, instead I went to sleep.

My fantasy Edward never came back and I spiraled into oblivion.

I couldn't keep up with time nor could I remember much of what people said to me. I knew Sam and Emily fought daily now and she would always be screaming at Sam to 'just look at Bella, which was the evidence he needed.'

I couldn't for the life of me remember what she was referring to. What evidence?

I stopped thinking about Edward because as soon as he found out about what I did, he would not want me anymore. I stopped thinking of my parents. I think I stopped thinking about much. I formed a protective shield around me.

I remembered when Sam approached me to explain that we were going to attend to a council meeting. I remember standing before the council but being unable to answer their questions. I understood what they said; I just didn't feel like leaving the recesses of my mind to relive any memories to appease these people. Emily and Sue Clearwater were weeping as they looked at me. Even Billy Black looked like he was on the verge of tears when he looked in my direction.

Quil and Embry who had taken to hanging out with me and Jacob now tried to cheer me up. They joked that Jacob was hanging out with me so much that I was started to smell like him.

I didn't laugh.

I knew the only reason they came was to keep him updated as to what was happening with the pack. Since he was still under Alpha orders not to phase, he didn't share the singular pack mind, so he couldn't keep up with all that was going on in the tribe unless someone told him.

I didn't know why these people looked at me with such pity but it was when I looked in the mirror that I understood. I had the appearance of a wraith. My pale skin and sunken eyes all spoke to my appearance as an apparition but it was the blank look in my eyes that was frightening.

Emily came back late from a council meeting one night. She ran into my room and hugged me fiercely.

"They've contacted the Cullens. The tribe wants to meet to find a resolution…and Bella you're going to be there!"

My eyes widened as I looked into this wonderful woman's eyes. She fought with her husband, strained her marriage and stood up for me because it was right.

That was the first night the tears began…they were agonizing oppressive sobs that freed me of my own mental prison.

I was going to see _him_ again…for better or for worse.


	9. Chapter 9

**Like a Leaf in the Wind**

**Chapter 9:**

After my emotional purging, Emily finally sat down to explain everything to me.

Apparently Carlisle was the one to make the first gesture of peace. He explained that Edward was having a very difficult time with the lack of contact from me. This made me realized how parasitic our relationship was. There was a small hopeful bud growing in my heart, if he needed me as much as I needed him then it would be unlikely that he would turn me away. Sam was also concerned about Jacob since he would suffer because it was very painful for a wolf that imprinted to have his feelings unreciprocated.

She told me all of this in confidence. Emily was still disturbed because the Council members and Carlisle were still making decisions for me without my input. I was beyond caring; I just wanted to see Edward again.

During the week, I prepared myself for the meeting. I no longer spent time inside me head, deep in my delusions. I tried to at least communicate with Emily. I had lost so much weight since I began vomiting the first night I was here, that Emily made daily protein shakes. She made me eat yogurt filled with granola, avocados and fish. I tried to protest every time she made fish but she always made me eat all of it, I tried to explain how nauseous the smell made me but she always retorted that I needed to gain weight.

It never mattered; I vomited every time I ate fish. It was so normal for me to feel nauseous all day that I was surprised when I felt normal.

I no longer spent time alone with Jacob and it began taking a toll on him. He would constantly try to talk to me about what happened between us but I always refused. I couldn't face that day again, that was one of the worst things I could have done. I didn't feel the same way about Jacob but I used his love for me in a desperate attempt to make myself feel better. It backfired in the worst way. I felt soiled…defiled even. I knew that if Edward wanted nothing to do with me, I would deserve it. In fact a small part of me was hoping for this reaction, I would go back to my parents and live a half-life. It would be a half-life because in the weeks I had spent with Edward, I discovered what it was like to be possessed mind, body and soul by another.

In the end, Jacob revealed his thoughts on why Sam was willing to meet. Edward was willing to break the treaty to retrieve me from La Push. Sam had an obligation to protect the entire tribe and he could not risk the lives of so many for the sake of my protection from the Cullens. To Sam, I was expendable but not his entire tribe. I could not fault this reasoning and I could only hope that this meeting had some sort of resolution that ended with me being free from both these creatures' supernatural world.

I fidgeted with the parker that nearly enveloped me, it was too big and it extended down to my jean-covered knees. I nervously followed Emily while Sue was behind me. The meeting was taking place in the meadow, the same one I first met these Shape-Shifters and Vampires. The tribal Elders and the wolves are gong to be present as well as the Cullen Clan. The only two beings banned from this meeting were Edward and Jacob. Both Sam and Carlisle felt that having both of them present would exacerbate an already delicate situation.

There was large bon fire in the middle of the meadow which casted an eerie orange glow over the entire scene. Only Sam was in human form and all the other wolves are standing like a wall between the Cullens and the Elders. Fire was the only element separating the wolves from the vampires.

Sue and Emily stood on either side of me as we took our place behind the Elders.

When I timidly looked at the Cullens, I saw horror written across their faces. I knew it was because of my harrowed look. I quickly averted my eyes because I could not face the truth. I was not capable of living without Edward. That statement caused panic to settle in my chest. Because now I knew that I was linked with him for as long as I lived. The idea of going back to my parents was a mere fantasy because I would still need to have contact with him on a daily basis.

I wasn't paying close attention to the conversation, but I briefly heard Carlisle chastising Sam for not taking better care of me. I tuned him out when he listed my visible deficiencies in nutrition as evidence. I was vaguely aware that Sam was defending himself when Sue stiffened beside me, "Jacob what are you doing here!"

I covered my ears as she screamed towards my left.

She was right; Jacob emerged from the woods looking like he'd been crying. He was visibly trembling with anger.

"I have a right to be here! It may be the last time I see Bella, you can't tell me I don't have a right to be here!"

He was answering Sue's question but looking at Sam. The occupants in the meadow all turned to look at Jacob but my head snapped between Sam and Jacob. Both men were trembling in an attempt to control their anger.

Sam's head suddenly swerved towards where the Cullens were standing as Edward walked out of the woods.

My body instantly sagged as Emily held on to me to keep me upright.

I noticed the purple bruises under his eyes had deepened and there was a look of deranged determination on his face.

"I thought we agreed that they both weren't allowed to be here."

It was Rosalie that answered Sam, she waved her silver cell phone in her hand, "if the mutt can be here, then my brother has all the right to be here."

I hadn't even seen her call Edward.

Edward's eyes suddenly found mine and I choked on a sob. I leaned some more into Emily because the shame of what I did with Jacob crippled me.

Jacob took a step towards me causing Edward to emit a mind numbing growl.

It happened so fast that I almost didn't see Carlisle and Emmett's blurred form as they tackle Edward to the ground.

"HE RAPED HER!"

It was a deafening roar from Edward.

Sam gave Jacob an anguished and disbelieving look, his mouth was hanging open and no one dared to breathe.

Jacob took one step back, "let me explain…"

He didn't finish the sentence when a blond streak blurred towards him. Jasper barely tackled Rosalie to the floor in time when I became undone.

There were so many things happening at once.

Emily was stroking my hair and sobbing uncontrollably as she asked over and over again, "is it true? Is it true?"

Sue left my side and was now running towards Jacob; she gave him a resounding slap across his face.

"How could you!"

Her tears were streaming down her face. Soon after a large black wolf leapt towards Jacob but Sam transformed in time to slam his head into the wolf.

Emily bounded from my side and was running towards Sam but some of the Elders held her back. She was just trying to see if he was ok. I stood up on shaky legs. Alice and Esme were crouched between the few wolves that were still guarding the Elders from the Cullens, Rosalie was being held down by Jasper while both Carlisle and Emmett had Edward pressed to the ground.

Edward's face made me balk. He was practically foaming at the mouth. He was staring at Jacob with such intense rage that I took an instinctive step backward.

Everyone was visibly upset. I never thought of what Jacob and I did as rape. I never said no but I was never in the right mind frame to say yes either. I still blamed myself.

The stress was intense and I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I doubled over and clenched my teeth. No one was paying attention to me and if I could just get away, maybe I could run home.

I started walking backward slowly but he pain in my abdomen intensified. It spread to my lower back, like someone took a hot poker and seared my insides. It was when I was doubled over with my eyes closed that I felt the too familiar nausea. My head felt light, I smelt blood...someone was bleeding.

I stood up abruptly but the scene had not changed. Everyone was either trying to kill Jacob or preventing someone else from killing Jacob. The Elders were all yelling while Carlisle tried to reason with some of them all the while holding down Edward.

The scent of blood was still strong and the pain in my stomach kept intensifying. I finally looked down to see my jeans soaked.

I was bleeding.

The blood looked like it was flowing in torrents down my legs darkening my jeans. Disbelief spread through me.

_Why was I bleeding?_

I dropped to me knees and touched my legs hesitantly when I looked at my hands it was covered in blood.

In the moment of my realization, the winds shifted and all went silent in the meadow.

The wolves and vampires were the first to look in my direction. I did not look up but I heard a low growl while Edward screamed, "get Jasper!"

There was a scuffle and a thunderous thump as he must have hit the floor.

I didn't care, all I knew was that I was on my knees and a large pool of blood was beneath me. Someone was approaching me and I looked up. Emily put her hands up in a sign of peace as she carefully came towards me.

My eyes narrowed and my breathing grew shallow. The pain was twisting my midsection and I doubled over. She instantly lurched towards me but a piercing scream sent her scrambling backwards.

My scream was terrifying like a maimed animal trapped.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

I felt helpless like I was caught in something greater than I could handle. I was a leaf in hurricane storm winds. My destiny was not in my hands to control and I was tired of it.

I was crying and screaming because the pain was getting worse. My tears stung my cheeks and I finally fell into fetal position but the pain only seemed to increase. My jeans were saturated with the blood of my unborn child.

I rolled onto my back and looked into the night sky. I cried for the innocents in all of this. I cried for my parents who lost their daughter, I cried for my child who lost their mother and I cried for myself because I was lost in all of this. I had retreated into the darkened recesses of my mind to escape this but it cost me dearly. Had I been paying attention I would have recognized the signs of morning sickness from the first day I got to Sam and Emily's. I would have taken better care of myself, I would have fought harder but most of all I would not have simply succumbed to Jacob in my foolish attempts to get over Edward.

So there I was, on my back crying to the sky and soaking in my unborn child's blood pleading to any higher being out there. There was only one prayer on my lips and I repeated it aloud over and over again,

"Please take me now, let me die."


	10. Chapter 10

**Like a Leaf in the Wind**

**Chapter 10**:

It was peaceful. So clean and white and peaceful…

I had not felt this content in a long time and I enjoyed this place. I felt like I was floating on a river, there was no one with me so I took the time to think. I truly thought about what I wanted and where I wanted to be. The events that had been the most recent in my life was more than any human should experience much less a seventeen year old girl. So I enjoyed the peace that I had sought these last few months.

When my eyes fluttered open I felt the usual buzz that accompanied Edward's presence. He must be near me. I looked around and saw the entire Cullen family. I was in a place that looked like a smaller version of a hospital room. Carlisle approached my bedside cautiously; he took my hands in his and announced what I realized when I was on the cold hard ground in the meadow.

"Bella, I'm sorry but you had a miscarriage."

Even though I knew that I had a miscarriage, a lone tear still slide down my cheeks. Hearing someone else confirm what had caused my greatest anguish that night in the meadow still shook me to the core.

I nodded but I didn't say anything. I looked beyond him searching for the one I needed the most. Edward approached me when he saw my wandering eyes. He looked repentant, submissive even. I frowned at his demeanor, but I was elated that he nonetheless approached me.

"Can I have a moment to speak with Edward alone?" My voice was hoarse from my breakdown.

Everyone nodded and exited the room. I knew it was futile to ask vampires to leave the room because as long as they were near, they would hear anything. I did not mind because it was important that they hear what I had to say to Edward.

He sat near my bed and took my hand. A smile instantly lit my face and I was soothed. "Edward, I have a lot of things to say and I truly need you to listen to me. I need you to hear me because the last time you all made decisions for me on your own I almost died."

He nodded and leaned in, giving me his full attention.

And so it began. I was calm, I was collected and I was ready to reveal all of me. I first started by describing everything that happened while we were apart. I explained that although I knew he blamed Jacob for what happened between us, I was also to blame. I explained that I did not see it as rape because I never said no but I did acknowledge that I never said yes either. I confessed that I thought he would not want to be with me when he learned the truth and how afraid I was of losing him. I also explained how I longed to see my parents but I could not drag them into this world. I could not lie to them in hopes that I could incorporate the Cullens into my world because they would pay dearly. I knew because I had accepted that I needed Edward in my life for as long as I existed. That meant that I would have to leave my parents at some point to remain with him when the Cullens could no longer stay in Forks. That meant that I was willing to stay with him but we needed to work on us. I still needed to fulfill my personal goals. I told him my dreams of being a photographer and my hopes of completing school. I made it be known that I needed to take it slow with him. We were both abusing the bond and letting our emotions dictate our relationship but we never got to know each other. I wanted to get to know him if I was going to be with him. I also needed to heal. I would need counseling or some support to help me deal with all the things that happened to me recently. Losing our child and having sex with Jacob had only added to the emotional turmoil of being kidnapped.

I was talking for a long time. When I finally finished he handed me a glass of water and looked into my eyes.

"Bella, I cannot explain to you how sorry I am for all you have endured. You never have to worry about me wanting to be with you, I will always want you. I realize that is my fault that you are in this position and I will spend the rest of my existence making it up to you. I love you, I truly do and although my actions may not have reflected that to you, I love you. I still disagree with you about Jacob's action because of the nature of your mental state. I am willing to go to counseling with you to make it work and I am more than willing to take it slow. I know you're giving up your entire life to be here so don't ever feel like you have no support. I'm behind you and my entire family is behind you. We will support you as you achieve all your goals. I'm undeserving of this chance that you have so willingly given to me."

This was one of the first traits I noticed bout Edward, he was self-deprecating. We remained talking in my room. I was told that I wasn't in a hospital but I was in a makeshift treatment room in the Cullen home. Carlisle had this emergency room installed after Alice had a vision one day.

Edward kept his word. The entire Cullen family was indeed supportive. First they helped me heal from my miscarriage; I learned that Rosalie had a PhD in Psychology which worked wonderfully for us. It would be hard to be completely honest with a human shrink. I was so nervous…I thought that my first session would consist of her berating me for staying with Edward. Instead she did the talking. She told me of her rape when she was a human and that night both she and I cried. There were no tears on her beautiful face but her body shook with sobs. From that day onward, Emmett, Rosalie, Edward and I took a walk once a day and had an hour long session. Emmett explained his part in helping Rosalie deal with her pain. I think it gave Edward hope that he could help me in some capacity. He opened up about how he felt when he learned about what happened with me and Jacob as well as his feelings about the loss of our child. That session was hard and we were all sobbing in the woods that day.

I finally realized that Jacob did take advantage of me and that was a breakthrough that nearly left me spiraling in anger. I was grateful that Edward, Rosalie and Emmett were present to keep me grounded as I destroyed the vegetation around us that day. I screamed at the trees, frightening the animals; I began stripping saplings from trees in my rage. I felt weak and helpless and I wanted an outlet. My three other companions never stopped me. They watched me until I was exhausted. Soon only Rose and I had sessions. We would talk about my kidnapping and my miscarriage. Sometime Edward was asked to join when we talked about the miscarriage. Those were hard days.

My life was richer though. I was growing close to all my family members. Rose and I were akin to sisters now since she was privy to all my secrets and I was privy to hers. She inadvertently forced Jasper and I to grow close when she suggested that he teach me some self-defense moves to bolster my self esteem. It worked. Jasper went from teaching me some basic moves to now teaching me Tai-Chi.

Alice was a little jealous that I seemed closer to Rose but when I surrendered myself to her daily makeovers she was ecstatic. I also continued to cook with her and Esme, which knitted us closer as a family. Even Carlisle came in to lend his medical expertise. He had now taken to human nutrition and encouraged my healthy eating.

Pertaining to one of my goals, I had to get fraudulent identification and Esme started to home school me. I was still Bella but my legal name on all documents was Marie Cullen.

Edward and I had spent the most time together. He enjoyed teaching me how to play the piano and we both delighted in our love for music, literature and photography. The more time I spent with him, the more I learned. We explored each other slowly, learning ever so patiently about each other. This seemed to make our bond stronger. I still needed to hold his hand on a regular basis but it was more sensual now. It didn't feel like it was forced, it felt natural and that was the biggest difference.

Emily was my only visitor from La Push. She and I never spoke about Jacob or the other wolves; instead she would bring me information about my parents. My dad had to stop the search parties because there wasn't enough money in the budget but he and my mom, along with some guys from La Push, went out every weekend for a walk in the woods. They never referred to it as a search party but Emily and I both knew they still looked for me. It pained me when she told me about them but I still wanted to hear it. I knew being in their lives would be worse. Jacob would use them to get to me and they would be dragged headlong into my supernatural world.

She was happy to share some good news with me. She and Sam were expecting their first baby. I was more than happy for her and we grew closer as her belly grew. I knew that as soon as I finished my home schooling, the Cullens and I would leave so I could attend college, thus I would not always have her near. Emily and I never spoke about that either, instead we focused on the good things. We focused on the things that we were thankful for.

In the end that was what got me through my personal anguish. I had support from my new family and my love but most importantly I got over my helplessness. I stood up for myself and I focused on the good. I understood that bad things happened all the time but I would face my past demons instead of retreating from them. I would deal with them but I would always take the time to appreciate all the love and good I had in my life.

**The End….**

**A special thanks to those took the time to review this story; especially vampiregurl …this happy ending is for you! **

**Currently I am working on two other stories: "Bred" and "Let Me In"**


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